If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize