i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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