Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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