I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
