just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
