Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize