I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
