Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
