we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
