Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
