He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i've created a new STD.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
