i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
