You smell like a Billy Joel song
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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