don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
