If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
