dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
