Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
