he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
