peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
