your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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