My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize