dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
