Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
