Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
