i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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