ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
