I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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