4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
