hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
