I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
