Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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