Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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