is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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