Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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