I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
