Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
