so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
