its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
