And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
