Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
