you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
