How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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