Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
