Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
