Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
