I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I still have a little drunk in my system
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
