test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
