Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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