I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
