You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
