so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
