grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
