I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
