My nipple is on Facebook.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
