im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
