Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We won't sleep together?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
