Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You need Xanax blowdarts
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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