I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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