do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There r osticjed everywhere
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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