he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
