I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
