Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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