Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
