Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
