peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize