i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
