Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
