I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
tell me about the eggs
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