we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
