how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Mom said you looked used
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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