Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
