Jerry, you need to find god
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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