i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
