dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
