he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
