Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the condom got lost in my hair
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
