So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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