Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
