your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
