I need help removing her.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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