he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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