I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize