made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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