Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
