i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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