We named our party play list daddy issues
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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