I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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