Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
